Refraction

Ooooookay, so on a bolt of inspiration, I stumbled on LinkedIn.com and searched for my former supervisor. He’s found a new job, so–good for him! I just find it a little odd, to be honest, that someone else he used to work with is also working there… hmm…

(I tried searching for two other group members as well, but their profiles are closed off. Wouldn’t it be odd if they were all working together?)

[/stalker]

I am currently in PANIC mode over my appointment with a potential future employer tomorrow. I’m not really sure what to expect, which no doubt is the cause of all my PANIC.

I’m currently reading about his research, and now I’m wondering–why do I even bother? All this stuff is clearly over my head, I have no relevant experience, and while it’s interesting, I can’t think of a way to say that which isn’t trite.

ARRRGH.

(Happy New Year!)

Do these two sentences mean the same thing?

1) I wonder if X isn’t better than Y.
2) I wonder if X is better than Y.

On the surface, it’s a basic kind of statement (“I am comparing X and Y; X may be better, but I’m still thinking about it”) and they seem identical. At least superficially.

I think the sentences imply different things, though. 1) is something I would say after having already chosen Y, and then re-evaluating X. 2) can be said either before or after a choice is made, but seems slightly more natural to say before.

Then again, maybe sentence 1) is not quite Standard English and I’m just making all this up.

it’s never.

Never even brought it up. Afraid and muddied and worried and just not wanting to blow it more than I already had…

And yet at the same time just wanting to enjoy what was there, no expectations, no promises; just to live for the moment and not look ahead to the anguish of suddenly being strangers again…

I feel like I’ve been waiting forever.

And yet it’s now or never (as D—- so helpfully pointed out).

I have a feeling it’ll probably be never.

I got something to say you know
But nothing comes
— “Silent All These Years”, Tori Amos

Oh, let me be fooled

avant que je ne tombe….

Oh wait, it’s a little late for that, isn’t it?

(Is “crypticness” even a word?)

it’s so beautiful here, she says, this moment now. and this moment, now.
….
there’s a reason not to want this but I forgot.
….
oh words like rain, how sweet the sound.

On the edge of the bell curve? Yes, perhaps. Keep telling yourself that.

Do you ever want to talk about something but are unsure as to whether it’s worth bringing up with people? As in, it’s insignificant, or boring, or … you don’t really have that much to say about it but it’s been on your mind a lot?