Refraction

“Not Getting Closer”

Walking in the dark streets of Seoul
under the almost full moon.
Lost for the last two hours.
Finishing a loaf of bread
and worried about the curfew.
I have not spoken for three days
and I am thinking, “Why not just
settle for love? Why not just
settle for love instead?”

-Jack Gilbert

Er hat rechts, oder? Why this Fernweh?

If you want to volunteer to eat any of these, please let me know.

Green Tea Layer Cake (seconded)
Matcha Shortbread
Matcha Cookies
Tres Leches Cake (as a base for a matcha tres leches cake?)
Matcha Tiramisu
Matcha Lemon Loaf
Matcha Red Bean Loaf (I’ve never baked bread before…)
More ideas here!

Yes, I have a bag of matcha I bought online which I’m kind of dying to use. I also acquired a handmixer recently. 😀

So many things to bake, so little time.

Work birthday cake: Four-layer EXTREME CHOCOLATE CAKE
Co-worker’s going away: Matcha something. Probably cake.
Random how could this go wrong project: Domo-kun cake pops
Summer’s here cake: Strawberry coffee cake
I owe Mom big time treats: Almond cookies

kto ci powiedział, że wolno ci się przyzwyczajać?
kto ci powiedział, że cokolwiek jest na zawsze?
czy nikt ci nie powiedział, że nie będziesz nigdy
w świecie
czuł się jak u siebie w domu?

–Stanisław Barańczak

who told you that you were permitted to settle in?
who told you that this or that would last forever?
did no one ever tell you that you will never
in the world
feel at home in the world?
(trans. Frank Kujawinski)

Feelin’ restless. I tell myself it’s because I’ve been cooped up writing my thesis, but I wonder if it’s not because I feel cooped up by something else, something that’s been going on longer than this thesis push.

Due to an injury I had suffered the previous day ¹I slipped on the ice while curling, hurting my head and my hip. I sat in the coach boat watching my team paddle.

It was kind of painful. It was a tough practice, that’s for sure–but our timing was absolutely awful. Blades not synchronised at all. The back blades leading, rather than the front. I don’t know how many times I called them on their timing. I felt bad about it, too, since I know we can do better.

I wasn’t expecting the coach boat to be so cold, but that thing moves fast, and on top of that you can’t keep warm since you’re not paddling. My teammates were probably jealous, though 😛 One of them said that since my hair was blowing in the wind, I looked like a model on the boat.

A very, very cold model. 😛

I really hope I recover enough to paddle tomorrow night. My hip is fine now, but I’m a little lightheaded still, and my neck’s a little stiff. Probably some ibuprofen and rest will do the trick 🙂

Would you rather be blind or deaf? It’s one of those trite “would you rather” questions that comes up once in a while, but I think I’ve got my answer: I’d rather be blind.

I’ve got two main reasons for this. The first is conversation. A blind person can still converse somewhat normally (although obviously missing visual cues like facial expressions and hand gestures), but a deaf person depends on sign language. It’s much more difficult to just strike up a conversation with a deaf person.

Second, there’s music. I get pretty emotional sometimes when it comes to music, and I can’t imagine losing that. It’s much more rare for a visual to affect me as much; I’m not really sure why. My world, if I were deaf, would feel much more muffled and muted – as if I were an arm’s length from everything. Sound has an immediacy that visuals lack.

There’s more to it, I’m sure, but that’s what’s off the top of my head. I hope I never have to find out.

My dragonboat team does a lot of visualization before we do a race. My first festival was last weekend and I’m still feeling the effects: everytime I close my eyes I hear my coach calling, “Paddlers ready… Attention please… GO!”

This is also accompanied by random “Ready, reach, NOW” throughout the day.

One of those songs I actually picked up from the radio (who listens to the radio anymore??) For best effect, watch this video. ¹It made me cry. ²And I haven’t even seen the movie.
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I love mink so much; it’s a pity she’s seemed to drop out of the music world altogether. Her favourite song of mine is “One Suitcase”, but since I only had her Shalom album handy, I’ve been listening to “世界で一番奇麗な場所” ¹“The World’s Most Beautiful Place”

I was really struck by these (pre-)chorus passages: ²And I was struck by them 4 years ago, too! Look!

たとえば今から後100日しか生きられないとしたら?
僕は、何をするだろう?何を見るだろう?
何を聞くだろう?何を語るだろう?
For example, what if I only had a hundred days to live?
What would I do? What would I see?
What would I hear? What would I say?

たとえば今から後100日しか生きられないとしたら?
僕は、誰に会うだろう?誰に触れるだろう?
誰を愛すだろう?誰を許すだろう?
For example, what if I only had a hundred days to live?
Who would I see? Who would I touch?
Who would I love? Who would I forgive?

(Although I can tell you, if I had a hundred days to live, I would travel for a month – maybe even two. I would wind my way across the world and live out there. I would hope to see people, hear them, touch them, speak to them. Then I’d come home and do the same thing with my friends and family.) ³I might also go skydiving.

I also have some thoughts churning about forgiveness, but I’ll save those for another time.

It’s important to get perspective on things from time to time as I get deeper and deeper into the murky waters of my thesis. (And trust me, they are murky. I do more experiments to clarify things: and then I find more reactivity I have to explain! -sigh- I’m starting to think of it as thesis fodder.)

The Omnivore’s 100. OM NOM NOM NOM!
http://www.verygoodtaste.co.uk/archives/399

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
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